Awkward pictures

*Clears throat* eh ahem (long,wayyy toooo long)
We've all been there. You, me, your siblings, parents, uncle, aunty, gajju phupha, rinku masi, all of us!We all love a good photograph of ourself. Infact if someone clicks us in the angelic light, we cherish (read brag about) that photo long enough to make that photographer a hell of a local star to an extent he starts googling the price of a dslr and starts a photography fan page of his own.

"A picture is worth a thousand words" for this gen x translates to " a nice DP is worth a hundred likes"  right?  Besides pictures are a terrific way to reminisce about the past, the amazing things we did or we were a part of. (Though on a serious note, the best memories are the ones with no physical record because you'd rather be "in" the moment than be looking for ways to preserve its glimpses for the future.)

So now that we all agree that pictures are awesome, why is it that we suddenly become so self conscious when someone tries to click our picture? Don't tell me you don't get all fidgety and start rummaging through your bag for last minute touch-ups or just your hair to see if something's stuck in it! Don't tell me you don't contemplate all the possible smiles and angles before deciding one. Well if you don't, then you have some splendid amount of confidence which is amazing and also a knowledge of the fact that you are photogenic.
As far as we, the lesser ones are concerned, we try to do everything we can, to look decent in pictures.
And hence there are these : types of posers.

1. The "Snob":
These are the ones that believe they don't have a photogenic smile. So they always keep a straight face in pictures. Some may even prop up their eyebrow(s) making them come across as a very strong/full of attitude person, when on the contrary they might be very down to earth .

2. The "constipated"
Also known as "in deep pain" , as the name implies, these have a very fixated smile. It looks as if it's stuck with the help of glue or is photoshopped. These look like they accidentally sat on a chair with a screw or they've being holding the contents of their bladder for too long, but are being forced to smile. 1 and 2 are the most common poses people land up in while at the studio, when clicking a picture for the id card or passport.

3. The "line"
Their smile looks like a line. They have this serene looking face and a line smack in place of their lips. In India,  it's commonly known as a " netaji/politician" smile. It's also a smile you'd have if your kidnapper asks you to smile.

4. The " hyper reflex" syndrome
He/she will pose and what a splendid pose it would be. But right when the button is clicked, bammm! They'll move/jerk/fall/sneeze. And not a microscale movement, a megascale one! They are the ones that have a picture of their hair instead of them, or a hand or a leg floating,  or some whitish patches instead of their head in the pictures. Generally their movement is strong enough to cause fellow posers to get distracted and fall off too. They have the reflex of a freakin' ninja.

5. The diva
Most girls fall under this. When a person has had his/her share of horrible pictures,  they generally sit and calculate the permutations and ccombinations until they come up with an amazing pose. And when you point the camera at them, *tadaaaa * they transform into a celebrity. You can see imaginary umbrellas, curtains, fans/blowing machines and dslrs and tripods with touch-up dadas around them! The smile's fake but what the heck, it looks hella stunning!

6. Typical expressions
All girls are guilty of having tried atleast one of these.
  - Duck face

- smoochy face

- puppy eyes

- the tongue

  - the tongue unplugged

  - the side view thinker/philosopher (side view selfie)

- the selfie with a peace sign

 - the  rock sign

and the most common,  extremely girly pose " the lean on one side pose"

7. The "sabhya"

(yes stock image- couldn't find anything decent-errrr)
Sabhya in Hindi means civilized, very courtly. A sabhya poser is a person who goes out of his/her way to show he/she is decent. Perfect "mair-age photu" material. Hands forming a knot on the front side, a namaste pose, a little bent posture.. Yes our prospective groom and bride in disguise, bhaiyo aur behno!
And last but not the least,
8. The "photobomber"

He is probably not a part of the frame. He is probably on another planet in another dimension. But as soon as your camera goes "kichkyaon" he suddenly materializes! And how.. Wonderful expressions- pig face, racist faces, clown-y actions!!! He just swoops the attention away from your to-be-dp. And in a way that you cannot crop him from the pic. It's so traumatizing. Girls will sob over the loss for days!

So those were my top favourite posers. There are many, but I'm out of categories to put them in. If you are an Indian, browse through your parents' marriage album, especially the reception pictures! I guarantee you'll have some fun spotting the above mentioned specimens! And we too are a part of the hoarde. But these are the pictures that get etched in our memory, that nickname-atize us!

So cheers to the pictures, the inventor of the camera, the person who thought of this and to technological advancement. Before I trail off into another topic , signing off :-P
  - Appiqué<3

Epic pic!

I would definitely post soon. For now just a picture I really liked. I've seen too many posts on facebook and have always had this urge to comment in a similar manner. But thankfully none of the people in my list are that screwed up. A little, yes but definitely not too much. -Appiqué<3

Types of readers:

Hola!
(Warning: Long post)
I've a friend in my class who lives close to my place.  We generally catch a train together as we can keep each other company. She is an avid reader and is very eloquent. By very, I mean VERY. She's one of those people that will strike you as someone who is amazing at articulation without having to use hi-fi words. So we generally talk about books,  games and comics and end up either wanting to swap stuff or sharing the same opinion about one.
So as we were coming back home one day, we were talking about the Shiva trilogy. I see a lot of people carrying it and I've always been inquisitive about it. So as she proceeds to tell me, we are very abruptly interrupted by a school girl (probably 16 yrs of age) who starts narrating the story to me. She throws in a few fancy words, tells me she recommends reading that book and also a few other novels. And we have this dumb expression on our faces and if we had the ability to see each other's thoughts in those bubbles they show in comic books , it would read " What just happened and who the hell is she!"
While I really commend her confidence, I must say she was weird and her opinion, completely unasked for.
Which got us thinking and talking about the types of readers . Ofcourse, all after reaching our destination.
(POST BEGINS HERE :-P)
Type 1. The clan-beings:

 v/s






These are the people that are die hard fans of any world famous series of books. Most popular clans are potterheads or twilight freaks. These don't just claim,  but are really into the novels. They don't just read them or watch the movies, they live it. They get pissed if they find a scene from the book missing in the movie and almost die from a cardiac arrest if they spot a mistake. They are a part of a huge family and get all teary eyed on spotting someone of the same clan.
These are the ones that get into heated discussions and sometimes fierce arguments on social forums comparing 2 book series.( If you cried when the series ended or when you bought the last book, then welcome to the clan. )
Type 2. The thesaurus-rex

           

These are people who "believe" they have a vocab as huge as a dinosaur. Hence, the name. They will throw in random heavy duty words and complicate simple sentences just to intimidate others. Initially you will be in awe of their vocabulary, but soon you might come to realize they are like the thesaurus option of Microsoft Word, because at times.. They will just fail to make sense. They might also mention " Wren & Martin" so many times you'd be forced to believe they are parenting kids named Wren and Martin. The members of this type will also throw in famous foreign authors and their famous novels- Tell them you haven't read it, your impression drops.Tell them you haven't heard of it, that's it- game's over for you. The look on their face will be enough to send you into a guilt coma for about a decade.
Type 3. The "keeps it simple"

These are people who are fun to be around. They enjoy simple books. You don't need to impress them with a vocab right out of Webster's dictionary or with gibberish titles. Throw in a few jokes, keep the novel light hearted and there, you have a new fan.
They neither take the book too seriously, nor the critics. They have their fair share of fun and then " chalte bano" with it.
Too much of decor( artsy words) and they will not come back to your novel.
Type 4. The "under your bed, behind the mask"

These people breathe thrillers and spooky novels. Horror gives them their daily dose of adrenaline rush. These were the ones that were fond of goosebumps as kids and have now graduated gradually to world famous murder mysteries. If they read the books closely and carefully, you'll notice they have a stunning vocabulary.
Type 5. The "Bestsellers only"

These will know about various bestselling books. They know the name, the author's name,  the prologues and the epilogues by heart. Story?- uhm who cares. These four things are enough to impress fellow members of their kind.








Type 6. The " undercover reader"

These are the underdogs, the dark horses of the reading world. They've read books you haven't enough heard of. All because they keep an open mind and are ready to read any book of any genre whose storyline they find appealing. They will never show off, sometimes not even mention that they are readers. Their libraries are full of gorgeous books the world has failed to notice.








Type 7. The " NNRI- non Nri"s

These are Indians who resent the fact that they are Indian. Bollywood-ugh, chaat- ugh, desi- ugh, Chetan Bhagat- double ugh.
They will not mind reading( read buying) a not so good "phorain/Umreekan" novel,  but desi- tch tch. These are people who look down upon the talent our Indian authors have.




Type 8. The " Comic" ers

These are like clan-beings. They too have a global family and a huge social circle. But are generally not looked upon as readers. Well, they are. These follow comics way too seriously. Like sitcom-freaks. They also have a soft spot for a specific character that they relate too. Commonly seen freaking out about Comic-Con. From tintin to superheros, from local tinkle to universally adored Archie's... Everyone's a part of this sect of the reading world.








Type 9. The " Rome and the antics"

These are rom-com-ers.
These might love " Mills&Boons" or "2 states" but romance is what they are looking for. Put  a guy, a girl and a few accidental contacts,  seal it with a Kiss and there, they will be in the book's hangover for days. Ever felt the tingly sensation, the butterfly feeling in your tummy! If it's not stomach infection, then it's definitely because you are one of the romantic freaks. You love how a practical version of a fairy tale ends with a "happily ever after" tag and you desperately want to step into the lead character's shoes. Some may even like the tragic endings-for e.g." I too had a love story" or " love story".
That's it for now ( seriously, THAT is it???) .
Yes I know toooo long eh? But what was I supposed to do, these are the types and there are many more-All deserving their share of recognition in the reader's club.

So until I come up with more types,
  - Appiqué <3

Of the girly fantasies and their knights on horses!

Hello marshmallows( just because it rhymed with hello :-( ) .
Such a weird week! It started of with me waking up to the news of a short circuit leading to fire in the basement of my college and ended up with our department winning the "best dept award". We've experienced all sorts of emotions in this turmoil.

So on Friday, mum dragged me to watch a movie she'd been longing to watch for quite sometime now. As I tell the person at the ticket counter to give me 2 seats preferably the ones at the side, he looks up at me... And his face suddenly starts resembling the "smug" looking emoji. Then this "mental conversation" follows. Mental meaning I imagined how it would go.

Tick.guy: 2 side seats eh? I smell louuuv..
Me: the joke is on you! I'm here with mommy
Tg: the joke is still on you... Forever alone..

As I couldn't think of a witty reply I decide to not iniate this weird mental convo...but I sooo wanted to. Don't you have those weird moments when your mind is crazy witty, when you want to publish all your thoughts because you just find them so funny. But being a pucca coward, I'm never up for such challenges.

This weekend, as I was coming back home, we (mum,dad and me) get stuck in a traffic jam. So what's new? Traffic and Mumbai roads go hand in hand.. But this was weird because it was a very local gullee that was jam packed, not a highway. And that was because of a marriage procession.

Most Indian weddings follow this tradition. They have the groom, face hidden by Jasmine gajras hanging vertically from his forehead, seated on a white horse. And all the baratees (groom's relatives) dancing frantically to songs played by a band dressed in red suits .
( if you are an Indian,  you might have pictured this with a background score like "aaj mere yaar ki shadi hai" or "emotional atyachaar" version: instrumental)

Well I have one question. How and why would someone voluntarily put themselves in such an embarrassing situation?! And what is this weird obsession girls have .. I want my man to come to my place on a white horse . I just don't get it. I would rather take to celibacy than getting married to a man who doesn't look down upon this cruel ghodi-business. Had I been the horse, I'd have dropped the groom and kicked a few human asses dancing right in the middle of the street.

Every procession here is just like the one described above. Be it a festive one,  where people carry idols or the bridegroom one.
And it's like they assume it's their birthright to create a jam.
" Apna kaam banta, bhaad mein jae janta"

On their way back to the groom's place, i.e. after the ceremony, the bride also joins them. So you have a very coy looking dulhan, a very uncomfortable dulha and a horde of crazy relatives, the Unclejees throwing currency notes on the too-much-into-dancing youngsters . It's so absurd. Yet it's a very common practice here.

Sigh..girls and their weird obsession.
Even Taylor Swift is obsessed..
" That I'm not a princess,
this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around"

  - Appiqué<3

Challenging challenges.

Hello tweedledees!!!
How are you today? Good. Should the answer be anything but good, have faith. It'll all get better.

That is something that has happened with my lil' blog. New readers, new reviews!!! A few months ago it was nothing but a pile of random posts. But random is what is awesome. I can just start with any topic and expect everything and everyone to go with the flow!

So I see so many challenges out there.. On vine, on YouTube, on Facebook, on tumblr. Smoothie challenge, accent challenge, ...
It seems people of the world are into challenges these days.

So I have a little challenge up my sleeve for you guys.
Are you ready?

Now some of you might label it easy, some lame. But a challenge is a challenge nonetheless. And once you accept the t&cs you're in it till you win it.
So the challenge is to make someone smile.  Easy enough? For you... Pff definitely! Could do it with my eyes, nose, ears closed!!!
Serious?

The glitch is... You have to make someone smile everyday and each day it should be a a new person whose day you brighten up.

So did you spot the glitch yet? Yes! It's an ongoing process. It ends the day you fail to make someone smile. That is you forget about it. Because it is very difficult for anybody to not smile in your presence... Right?

So if you're up for it, do a " CHALLENGE ACCEPTED" meme face in the mirror and start.

Your time begins in 3,2,1... Scoot!
-Appiqué<3

Poem 1:

I've never been confident enough to share poems or random stuff I write with a rhyme scheme :-P.
And that is because my pieces are very amateurish. Highly basic. I see, read amazing poetic works online and I'm always awestruck.
But today, just because I don't have a weird talkathonish topic on my mind, I'll be sharing a poem.. Or something of that sort.
Title: Breath
You were nothing like him
The guy I dream of dreaming about;
But your presence in my dream
And the absence of my image of that perfect man,
Makes you the person of my dreams, doesn't it?
Your hands were soft,
Not as soft as your eyes
Eyes so full of love and compassion for any form of life
For some reason my dreams portray me as a damsel in distress
And you were, as the fairytales would have it, my knight in shining armour.
The warmth of your words
That have the power to captivate anybody's soul
They ripped the cage I'd built around my tender heart
And made their way into the delicate zone that exuded nothing but darkness on the outside.
I've never seen anything as beautiful as you
Your mind as pure as untouched pearls.
If only it was real,
What we shared in that dream,
And not just a teenage fantasy
Everything seemed breathtaking
As if the land had been hit by extreme spring beauty during the day
And the night with shiny bokeh lights
As if my whole world, my sheer purpose of being here,  of going through all those past emotions was only so I could find solace in your arms
As if you pump life into me.
Words fail where our relation begins.
A mere glance at you and your comforting smile and I know
Everything is going to be fine.
That I'm going to be okay
As long as you're here and
As long as you're near.
You are what life is to the dying,
What food is to the hungry,
What beauty is to artists
What water is to fishes
You are like breath to me.
With just a glimpse
A tender touch
A gesture to push the strands of hair behind my ears
You pump life into me
Your voice is like the pacemaker for heart,  you make it beat faster with every word you utter.
My stomach does somersaults
Becomes a ballet dancer
When I feel your breath on my skin.
I shiver, goosebumps appear so randomly
Though you are so warm, so real
That everything seems surreal. Unbelievably real..
I know that you live in my fantasies,
I know that my existence might not be of any worth to you..
But I also know that I will breathe only as long as you fuel the fire of my dreams.
You are like breath to me.
-Appiqué<3