Hi! Howdy!
Long time since I wrote something that's not job related or for obtaining/procuring a job (Sad). I've recently been binging on Netflix original rom-coms (NORC) because 'Hellllooo good production quality!' and because they're so light, just like instant noodles.
This Wednesday, I hopped into an Uber and my driver and I had this instant connection. This ex-writer is now a publisher by day and a ubdriver by night! She has published some really hardcore books, met then-amateur-now-bestselling authors and graphic designers. She asked me if I write and I had this dire urge to say, "Yes, love letters to Reg-agencies!" to put it easily for people who don't get what I do for a living, but I didn't. Because sometimes you don't want to give away too much (especially facts like you're a big weirdo) in the very first conversation (besides the point because I wasn't day dreaming of becoming besties with her). When the 15-minute (yeah, I know, seemed much longer from ☝️, didn't it?) ride was about to end, she told me something I had recently heard about in a movie called "Set it Up". She said you're always harsher on your own writing than the audience and the first drafts are always the suckiest. That's why you have editors and publishers like me *wink*! Which is how I got to writing this post.
So much for a build-up. Yikes.
So I'm sick today (uhgain) and I'm watching another NORC (yet again) as I eat my dal-khichdi (predictable much?), called Public School. It's about this kid whose mom homeschools him and as he goes in for a GED examination that he's about to double-ace, he sees this incredibly gorgeous girl and fails on purpose to get to do a few months of public-school, make friends and experience it all before Cambridge. His mom wants to protect him because of her past experiences and how she ended up getting pregnant in highschool. What's extremely fascinating about this story is the connection between the son and mom who've grown up in their respective roles (of being son and mom) over the past 15 years, how the independence affects their relationship and how the mother introduces social concepts to her son in a really cool manner or as she puts it "in a safe environment".
I love the movie, because of this relationship. Because it reminds me of how my parents grew with me.
When you're a kid/teen, you want to rebel and do all the things the cool kids do. The middle/highschool period is harsh on every kid. Peer pressure is at its peak, you are being introduced to novel concepts like attraction, infatuation, love, intoxication, lust. You're not sure who can solve these mysteries for you so you end up talking to your peers, who are equally clueless and whose knowledge comes from sources that require secrecy and incognito tabs.
While all this is happening in our lives, our parents who are parents for the first-time (because each kid is different and also because there is a huge learning curve with kid #1) can see this background story building up but don't really know how to approach it. The only things that they are certain about is protecting you from hurt (physical, mental and emotional) or from having negative experiences they've had.
So there's this instant battle between rebelling teenagers full of hormones and adrenaline, dying to experience it all and make their own memories and lessons AND parents who want to help/protect but don't know the best way around it so they end up grounding/reprimanding their kids. This creates a rift and slowly reduces their proximity to each other. And as we all know, when there is a gap between something, it creates room for something else, it being doubt, sadness, negativity, anger in this case.
What we also forget is when we quote cool stories, like I finally got my parents to understand this or that, we take it as a personal win. But don't stop to realize the growth trajectory our parents have accomplished. They never get kudos for it.
As a side-note, we had an HR based training that spoke about culture of accountability, this Wednesday (yup, this Wednesday was really packed with growth vitamins for my brain). One of the takeaways was spot-recognition. When you see someone go above and beyond and really help accomplish something huge, you take a moment and celebrate them! And while we put such wonderful concepts to use in our work-life, we often forget to apply these to life in general and celebrate the gifts we fondly refer to as parents!
Here are some instances when I forgot to celebrate you, ma and pa!
1. I always brag about how being a biology student helped opened doors of free communication between us. I haven't ever stopped to realize how you both encouraged me to and never asked me to STFU. How there was always open communication about everything. There was obviously SOME shyness during the initial years but look how we all grew! How you would point us to right sources and how questions were entertained, even if some of them weren't directly answered.
2. How there were never shows we couldn't watch together as a family or talk about
3. How you were always aware of the company I kept but never forced your opinion/ decisions on me
4. While you two dropped me off everywhere, walked me to school/college during every exam and waited till it ended, you two put a rock over your heart (dil pe patthar 😋) and sent your only child across the 7 oceans/seas.
5. My entire debacle with depression and how you grew to accept it and approach it in the right way.
There are so many instances and I cannot possibly list each and every one (for obvious reasons of limited content exposure to my audience which is most likely only going to be the two of you), and I'm sorry that I never spot recognized it. But I'm eternally grateful.
Watching this movie brings back all those moments we spent growing as a family. I love you two.
As I close this very weirdly written, zero proof-read article, I leave you with a slightly word-smithed dialogue from this movie. "Why is it weird to say my parents are cool and my parents are my best friends! Well I think my parents are cool. We should be able to say this!"
Powering down
Beep.boop.beep
- Appiquéness <3
