Hello! Long time no read?
A quick one. (courtesy my friend who whatsapp-ed the image and made her irritation apparent)
My friend sent an image of Bollywood wanting to "remake" or "draw inspiration"(#IfYouKnowWhatIMean) from the famous and superhit movie "The fault in our stars" ... Okay??? Okay :'( .
And while I haven't seen the movie, I've known about the book for quite some time now... Youtube love!
So she sent it, saying," Noooooooo :'(!"
And as you know my imagination knows no bounds, like if my imagination were a guy hitting on a girl, it would probably deserve the appellation "Johnny Bravo!"
So this is how it would go.
" Sitaron ka dosh - a journey from manggglik to mngalsootr"
{{If you agree, then let me know and when I sell off the rights for the movie and earn a million dollars, I'll make sure I invite you to the partayyy!
If you don't, how banal! Bleh}}
So the star cast would be, obviously,Deeepicka and Ran-beeer... B, not V, mind you!
Obvious because of their latest gig in YJHD.
So the movie starts off with her fainting and her mum and aunts going on to believe that she is pregnant. Dun dun dunnnnn
But how? She's the ideal girl, never had a boyfriend, always had her nose in books... How and when? Cut to the camera doing pirouettes whilst capturing the appalling looks on the faces of the chachis and the "you- dishonored -us" one on the faces of the Mards.
Then this little oversmart lad ( made completely obvious by the presence of grandfather spectacles on his nose that he keeps pushing upword because even after 10 years of being bespectacled, he hasn't yet gotten the hang of being a chashmish) points out that it may just turn out to be something else and they need to get her evaluated and just because he looks like a very off-Linking road- prototype of Harry puttar, they consider calling the doctor home, because obviously the Bollywood doctors give you the cash-on-delivery service.
So the doctor says, "There is no need to worry, she's not pregnant I've given her an injection (no one knows which miraculous injection this is, but believe you me, it is 100% effective! ) , but I have to run some preliminary tests and I will do that by using my futuristic stethoscope which diagnoses everything from stomach aches to AIDS, but there is a time lag , so the reports would reach after a week when this would exacerbate/ameliorate her conditions depending on which time slot of the movie this scene occurs in and if she does not wake up after a span of 24 hours then she's in coma. Yeah k,bye!
Smug doc leaves saying the family can repay him in dua(prayers) .
Next up her health deteriorates faster than the quality of food offered by fastfood joints and starts coughing blood and until the holy stethoscope speaks, " She has cancer! Will die soon" :-o
Now instead of acting like mature adults and trying to help her get through the rest of the phase peacefully and fulfilling her wishes people sob and cry, bang palms on their chests and make her feel like they hold a shoksabah (funeral) for her everyday. It's as if she is already dead." Han, then we'll go to Disney land... Oh but (sob) you.... Will die :'( :'( "
Finally Deeps decides to take a stroll in the supermarket, ends up meeting this ex classmate of hers who is hella dope and is overflowing with swag. She invites her to a Phorein tooar(tour) . Deeps asks mummy. Mummy says," Chup karke padh, atleast get doctor degree so we can remember you like that" .
Unable to take any more of this insensitive bullcrap, which is their way of showing how empathic they are, she decides to abscond.
Now here is something my momma should learn, she packs for a 2 week long trip and that totals to just one backpack. Momma why you do this, we go to our native place for a day and you call the movers and packers. If she could have her way, she would do the nitrogen balloon trick used in UP to ensure she packs the entire house or even better locality.
So deeps meets these swagwati people and ranbus and they go on this exciting journey where hey, money is not an issue.
They start off in a train and then reach Bollywood's idea of Romance... SWISS. Point to be noted, we never even get tatkaal seats verified, these movie peeps are ridiculously lucky!
There she roams about in shorts and mini dresses and forgets all about her illness and taking a little care about her body but the body is okay... Okay? Okay.
She falls for smug glib overly enthusiastic, delusional-ly optimistic ranbu... Who also... Tring tring tring. . That's right is terminally ill. They fall in love and change costumes so many times that you doubt the ludicrous capacity and volume of their backpacks and/or infinitely loaded credit cards!
Then they both get real sick and decide to come back and break the news that they love each other. The twist.. Are you ready? They belong to families that cannot stand each other and there is a good chance the dads' would get them slaughtered if they found out. But hey, emotional blackmail... Last wish papa, plej???
Okay? Okay.
They all decide to let them go on with this courtship because they are going to die anyway. But....
The smugass Doc also known as sudden Santa drops by just like that. He's so jobless that he puts all the fresh graduates to shame. So he uses his updated version 7.0 stethoscope to reveal that both of them without any chemo and just because of love and prayers have managed to get rid of their illness.
The duo gets super ecstatic and starts planning the marriage but the family has other plans. Apparently it's not conspicuous enough for them, the fact that love heals all... It's like a very "Meh" event for them- we deal with 100 miracles on a daily basis.
So they decide to not let them date anymore.
Cut to scenes where they lock them and torment them.
:'(
The duo decides to slip away "Lets elope jaanu, nobody gives a shit about us! Okay?" "Okay."
But right before they do, they display how cultured they are in a scene where they go to their dads and touch their feet asking for approval. But the dads are like, " Bullet or kerosene?" :-O
Run, bae run!!!!!
Finally they run and reach this secluded place like a fort where they both start talking about this event that took place during their first birthday. The pundits predicted that their stars weren't aligned well and they laugh and take out their kundaalis. When they start laughing about how screwed up their life is, they notice that their stars align if they join their incomplete kundaalis. And they can just go somewhere and start afresh because no, their parents haven't sent goons after them, basically nobody cares but they interpret the kundaalis-matching as a sign of time for their union. No, not by consummating their relationship. But by shooting each other.
And they do it.
The end.
Unless you want a version where their characters are reincarnated...
I'll spare you the horror of having to read past another tiring and ridiculous story though :-P
(pssssss... Am sorry :-P)
-Appiqué <3
A quick one. (courtesy my friend who whatsapp-ed the image and made her irritation apparent)
My friend sent an image of Bollywood wanting to "remake" or "draw inspiration"(#IfYouKnowWhatIMean) from the famous and superhit movie "The fault in our stars" ... Okay??? Okay :'( .
And while I haven't seen the movie, I've known about the book for quite some time now... Youtube love!
So she sent it, saying," Noooooooo :'(!"
And as you know my imagination knows no bounds, like if my imagination were a guy hitting on a girl, it would probably deserve the appellation "Johnny Bravo!"
So this is how it would go.
" Sitaron ka dosh - a journey from manggglik to mngalsootr"
{{If you agree, then let me know and when I sell off the rights for the movie and earn a million dollars, I'll make sure I invite you to the partayyy!
If you don't, how banal! Bleh}}
So the star cast would be, obviously,Deeepicka and Ran-beeer... B, not V, mind you!
Obvious because of their latest gig in YJHD.
So the movie starts off with her fainting and her mum and aunts going on to believe that she is pregnant. Dun dun dunnnnn
But how? She's the ideal girl, never had a boyfriend, always had her nose in books... How and when? Cut to the camera doing pirouettes whilst capturing the appalling looks on the faces of the chachis and the "you- dishonored -us" one on the faces of the Mards.
Then this little oversmart lad ( made completely obvious by the presence of grandfather spectacles on his nose that he keeps pushing upword because even after 10 years of being bespectacled, he hasn't yet gotten the hang of being a chashmish) points out that it may just turn out to be something else and they need to get her evaluated and just because he looks like a very off-Linking road- prototype of Harry puttar, they consider calling the doctor home, because obviously the Bollywood doctors give you the cash-on-delivery service.
So the doctor says, "There is no need to worry, she's not pregnant I've given her an injection (no one knows which miraculous injection this is, but believe you me, it is 100% effective! ) , but I have to run some preliminary tests and I will do that by using my futuristic stethoscope which diagnoses everything from stomach aches to AIDS, but there is a time lag , so the reports would reach after a week when this would exacerbate/ameliorate her conditions depending on which time slot of the movie this scene occurs in and if she does not wake up after a span of 24 hours then she's in coma. Yeah k,bye!
Smug doc leaves saying the family can repay him in dua(prayers) .
Next up her health deteriorates faster than the quality of food offered by fastfood joints and starts coughing blood and until the holy stethoscope speaks, " She has cancer! Will die soon" :-o
Now instead of acting like mature adults and trying to help her get through the rest of the phase peacefully and fulfilling her wishes people sob and cry, bang palms on their chests and make her feel like they hold a shoksabah (funeral) for her everyday. It's as if she is already dead." Han, then we'll go to Disney land... Oh but (sob) you.... Will die :'( :'( "
Finally Deeps decides to take a stroll in the supermarket, ends up meeting this ex classmate of hers who is hella dope and is overflowing with swag. She invites her to a Phorein tooar(tour) . Deeps asks mummy. Mummy says," Chup karke padh, atleast get doctor degree so we can remember you like that" .
Unable to take any more of this insensitive bullcrap, which is their way of showing how empathic they are, she decides to abscond.
Now here is something my momma should learn, she packs for a 2 week long trip and that totals to just one backpack. Momma why you do this, we go to our native place for a day and you call the movers and packers. If she could have her way, she would do the nitrogen balloon trick used in UP to ensure she packs the entire house or even better locality.
So deeps meets these swagwati people and ranbus and they go on this exciting journey where hey, money is not an issue.
They start off in a train and then reach Bollywood's idea of Romance... SWISS. Point to be noted, we never even get tatkaal seats verified, these movie peeps are ridiculously lucky!
There she roams about in shorts and mini dresses and forgets all about her illness and taking a little care about her body but the body is okay... Okay? Okay.
She falls for smug glib overly enthusiastic, delusional-ly optimistic ranbu... Who also... Tring tring tring. . That's right is terminally ill. They fall in love and change costumes so many times that you doubt the ludicrous capacity and volume of their backpacks and/or infinitely loaded credit cards!
Then they both get real sick and decide to come back and break the news that they love each other. The twist.. Are you ready? They belong to families that cannot stand each other and there is a good chance the dads' would get them slaughtered if they found out. But hey, emotional blackmail... Last wish papa, plej???
Okay? Okay.
They all decide to let them go on with this courtship because they are going to die anyway. But....
The smugass Doc also known as sudden Santa drops by just like that. He's so jobless that he puts all the fresh graduates to shame. So he uses his updated version 7.0 stethoscope to reveal that both of them without any chemo and just because of love and prayers have managed to get rid of their illness.
The duo gets super ecstatic and starts planning the marriage but the family has other plans. Apparently it's not conspicuous enough for them, the fact that love heals all... It's like a very "Meh" event for them- we deal with 100 miracles on a daily basis.
So they decide to not let them date anymore.
Cut to scenes where they lock them and torment them.
:'(
The duo decides to slip away "Lets elope jaanu, nobody gives a shit about us! Okay?" "Okay."
But right before they do, they display how cultured they are in a scene where they go to their dads and touch their feet asking for approval. But the dads are like, " Bullet or kerosene?" :-O
Run, bae run!!!!!
Finally they run and reach this secluded place like a fort where they both start talking about this event that took place during their first birthday. The pundits predicted that their stars weren't aligned well and they laugh and take out their kundaalis. When they start laughing about how screwed up their life is, they notice that their stars align if they join their incomplete kundaalis. And they can just go somewhere and start afresh because no, their parents haven't sent goons after them, basically nobody cares but they interpret the kundaalis-matching as a sign of time for their union. No, not by consummating their relationship. But by shooting each other.
And they do it.
The end.
Unless you want a version where their characters are reincarnated...
I'll spare you the horror of having to read past another tiring and ridiculous story though :-P
(pssssss... Am sorry :-P)
-Appiqué <3
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