Q.50. Psychological health has an effect on the physical
health of a person.
- Strongly agree
- Maybe
- Strongly disagree
A
Choosing the answer didn’t take me more than a millisecond. This
was probably one of the questions that I really felt so strongly about out of all
the 181 questions on a psychometric test I had to answer for a scholarship
interview.
Anxiety is a topic that is close to my heart. For most, it is
not even an issue. It’s something they dismiss as irrational fear and this dismissal
not only pisses off the anxious, but also weakens them psychologically because the
people they feel they can rely on, choose to completely ignore them. Panic attacks
are a real thing. Anxiety is a psychological disorder. I suffer from hyper
anxiety disorder. And it isn’t something I can just control or not think off to
make it go away.
When people are nervous, they shiver or sweat. When we have
anxiety attacks, we hyperventilate; suffer from palpitations, shortness of
breath, puke incessantly and have explosive diarrhea when we’ve been on nothing
but healthy home cooked meals for days or worse on nothing. No amount of pills stops any of
this and the effect of it does not just stop when the event is over, it goes on for quite
some more time. Our reactions during that event which has caused such an attack
will play in our minds till the time we can stop remembering it or there is
some event which manages to override its effect, else it plays on like a cassette
and whether you want it to stop or not, you’ve no choice but to give in to the
play-rewind-repeat. It’s terrible.
I guess they started after the year where I was bullied by
people who I considered best friends; I went into depression, caught dengue and
on the journey to recovery, I cried everyday because I thought this was the
end, that even if I made it I would have no friends. And as dramatic as all
this sounds, for a teenager they are somewhat important “life changing”
moments. I did recover and I made new friends during every new step,
but I’ve grown so cautious that there is hardly any trust that remains in me.
This is a very boring topic for my blog, a blog I’ve
decided to reactivate with some new posts after a long time, but yesterday I realized a few things that made me really want to write about this and as you know
Appiqué writes whatever shit she feels mostly strongly about, be it worst
hashtags or a mouth full of braces.
This topic has nothing to do with anxiety or bullying directly.
It’s mostly to do with how these led me
to becoming an insecure person (though I don’t really give away the impression of
being one): how I invest all my time and effort in one person and give them all
the power to have an effect on me. At every stage of the relatively short life I’ve
lived to date, I’ve tried to not but found myself getting dependent on an individual
very heavily; I will invest all my energy in him/her till I come to a point of
realization that he/she has his/her own life with its own set of priorities;
that they cannot always be there to feed my insecurities and apprehensions.
I am writing this because writing lets me understand what I am
really and truly feeling on the inside. I
guess one can’t always be there to simmer one’s fire of insecurity and anxiety, but the one’s that remain and
give us constant reassurance without losing hope in us and still loving us as
much, Thank You!
I will hopefully get back to writing something borderline
decent. I truly want to be apologetic for such a sad post but I am not. Thanks for
reading if you did. I would just love you as much if you didn’t. J
-Appiqué <3
